Thursday, October 29, 2020

This is Me

This is a story about what goes on in my head. It may be interesting to somebody and probably really, really boring to the masses. Yesterday, Russ and I took a long walk and I voiced what was on my mind. Finally, making - what was for me - a tough decision. 

He told me that I should write it down as a "catharsis".  

Here goes: It all started in March when we went into "stay at home" mode. My regular visits to the beach were suddenly literally "illegal"! Traveling was impossible, or at best extremely restricted. So we hunkered down. That time was really weird for most everyone! I got busy sewing - some for charitable efforts, but also planning a collection for a Fall Fashion Show. 

The first Fall Fashion Fiesta was back in November, 2012.

I sorted through my stash in what I call my "hoarder closet". This is basically an entire room filled with shelves and hanging racks of reclaimed pieces of clothing and fabric. I decided on a theme for a 2020 Fashion Show. It would be the Roaring 20's with bits of Art Nouveau and Art Deco design. I went online, purchasing a few specific pieces to supplement my stash.

Over the course of the hot summer months, I studied the styles, trends and patterns of the 1920's. The Gatsby era and the time of the "flappers" - described best as "young fashionable women known for their wild style, drinking and denial of social norms of the era."

In researching this fashion history, I learned some fun facts and trivia. Using a vintage pattern, I designed the typical 1920's style "one hour dress" (yes, it took me several hours!) 

I found directions for the iconic cloche hat and the quintessential 1920's Cocoon Coat designed by the French designer, Paul Poiret.

By early October, I had a collection that overwhelmed our spare bedroom (which has not had any occupants since January). I have made almost 30 outfits, at least a dozen hats, a load of small purses and bags and a selection of feathery headbands.

Now it was time to invite the support crew and models that I need. 
This is where my brain gets all bungled up. 

Two major character flaws I have are  1) I am stubborn and,  2) I am a "people-pleaser" in the sense that I am (probably, perhaps, just maybe) overly concerned with external input. My decisions often ebb and flow like the tide of the Sea! 

My brain debates with itself, reading and listening to every opinion and trying to see a way to please everyone while not going completely bonkers myself. Such an irksome way to operate.

In sending out requests, I received a dozen positives. "Yes, it sounds fun!" Yay! "Yes let's do this." I am getting totally excited at this point. I will have the best show yet! And, everywhere I am reading opinions that we MUST get back to real life. This living with a "virus-dread" hanging over our head is simply NOT right!

Then, I receive a few other responses.

"Not doing groups right now. I'm a little worried about flu season. 
I have to pass. Sorry."

"I'm not going out in public right now. 
This weekend I lost two people I knew."

"I’m sorry Naomi, I’ll have to pass on this one. 
We’re trying not to work if it’s going to be 
a big crowd, at least until things get a little better."

"This has been a rise and fall of emotions.
I don't want to just give up and just say 
'OK We can't do this' - but I think it's for the best for now. 
No social gatherings."

I complain about my uncertainties to my daughter who lives in California. She laughingly tells me, "Mom, you do realize we are still in the middle of this pandemic, right?"

Back to that other character flaw.... I am stubborn! 
I tell one of my close friends and collaborator that I want to show people my collection! I want people to SEE what I have been working on for the last 7 months. But, we agree that perhaps this may not be the right time. And, I knew it was time to cancel for 2020. 

I am already planning for 2021. 
Trying to embrace the idea of 'flexible'. 
Besides, the 1920's style was an entire DECADE of Fashion! 

I am sure that my brain will not let me believe I made the right decision. I will definitely find myself in that spare room browsing through the outfits, gazing at purses, hats and headbands. I will second-guess myself a hundred times. Because . . . This is me.

I know that almost everything is more important than this decision! However, Thank You to everyone who supports my crazy Fashion-Show Addiction. 

See you soon.

Maybe I will just replay the YouTube video of 2020 Virtual Fashion Show*  

*my summer project a collaboration featuring 38 models from near and far.